I am a 21 year old guy.

I live in Asia.

I listen to Lamb of God (the band) in an hourly basis.

I have a tummy with laudable relics of cholesterol and booze.

Tell me.

What good would the “royal wedding” do to me?

Would it give me an 8-pack abdominal beauty?

Would it uplift the Philippine economy?

Would it shut the hell out of my neighbor’s mouth ala-putakti?

[Pardon the (forced) rhyming rant]

It certainly won’t.

But regrettably, I, too, am a fan of free TV.

And free TV b****slaps me in the face with unsolicited details about the aforementioned nuptial. It slaps me so hard I couldn’t resist to slap back.

***

One good thing about Prince William is, he is a Prince.

With his family’s influence and wealth, girls would literally throw themselves at him – with their big bosoms and perfume and all. Siya pa ang hinahabol. William, too, (with no malice at all) is a looker.

Moreover, being a chic-magnet is a skill any real man would desire over any given Justice League character ability. Prince William, you are the shite.

One bad thing about Prince William is, he is a Prince.

One thing about us, men, is that we have our soft side.

We may appear as rugged, excess-hair infested, most ignorant bastards on earth; but when placed beside our dear ones, we portray the most loving yellow care-bear ever to exist.

Having our soft side exposed to other people though, is a different story.

Media’s plaguing with the royal wedding details is – with its historical value – unavoidable, but pondering on the unending interviews and specials about the wedding details, their love story, their paparazzi photos and everything in between; Prince William’s temper might be boarding on the inevitable – volcanic.

The man may relentlessly smile in the presence of cameras and media people, but imagining him saying ‘the media’s a pain in the ass; I wish I could tear down their lives” is not illogical.

We try to hide our soft side, that’s a fact and the Prince of Wales, who is amidst media incursion, might be living in hell right now. And I could just wish the Prince a good, peaceful and meaningful life ahead of him.

Good thing for me’s I’m not a Prince.

I mean, I could dump my girlfriend as of press time and the rest of the world would not give a flying fart.

Oh! The joy of care-free living is not for everyone, indeed.

But not that I would, dear.